Barack's Father's Day comments

Barack Obama gave a speech on father's day talking about family as a foundation of our society, and the importance of fathers within that foundation. He talked about it weakens our society that there are so many fathers missing from their children's lives.

I looked at his speech and thought about how I can (and do) incorporate into my own parenting the things he identifies as necessary to strengthen our families. In my role as sometimes both the mother and father, I take these words in as my responsibility as much as or even moreso than the responsibility of my children's father.

"It’s up to us – as fathers and parents – to instill this ethic of excellence in our children. It’s up to us to say to our daughters, don’t ever let images on TV tell you what you are worth, because I expect you to dream without limit and reach for those goals. It’s up to us to tell our sons, those songs on the radio may glorify violence, but in my house we live glory to achievement, self respect, and hard work. It’s up to us to set these high expectations. And that means meeting those expectations ourselves. That means setting examples of excellence in our own lives.

The second thing we need to do as fathers is pass along the value of empathy to our children. Not sympathy, but empathy – the ability to stand in somebody else’s shoes; to look at the world through their eyes. Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up in “us,” that we forget about our obligations to one another. There’s a culture in our society that says remembering these obligations is somehow soft – that we can’t show weakness, and so therefore we can’t show kindness.

But our young boys and girls see that. They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or when you are thinking only of yourself. And so it’s no surprise when we see that behavior in our schools or on our streets. That’s why we pass on the values of empathy and kindness to our children by living them. We need to show our kids that you’re not strong by putting other people down – you’re strong by lifting them up. That’s our responsibility as fathers."

And as mothers and teachers and grandparents and any adults in the lives of children. I will strive to make this a reality in my family. You can see/hear the speech in its entirety, here.

It is as it Should Be

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

The ascent

I climbed a mountain, yesterday. We have these nice, peaky volcanoes in the Pacific Northwest, most quite climbable in one day. This one was my first solo ascent since my divorce, for which I submitted my paperwork last Monday. My "Divorce Climb."

Many times during the climb I reminded myself that physical pain is better than emotional pain. Physical pain helps mask emotional pain. Drowns it right out. It felt good to climb this mountain, although a little lonely, at times. I asked myself why I was doing it. Should Mountain Climbing be something of my 20's? Something I gave up once I had a family and settled down? I can see good arguments for it. It's hard! It's less safe to go alone, and there are fewer people I know that are up for the challenge.

And, if given the chance, I could take a gentle walk with another person where I could have pleasant conversation and make or strengthen a human connection that brings me pleasure. So why climb the mountains? Is it just the sense of accomplishment? What do I really gain by being able to say, "I climbed Mt. McLoughlin yesterday. Look! I don't have skin on my heels, anymore!"

I don't know, but I know that I smiled a lot while I walked through that forest alone. I know I enjoyed the smell of the trees and the crisp air, the crunching of the snow (except when I postholed up to my thigh...in shorts...ouch!). I know I loved the feel of the sun on my skin, and I felt proud of myself when someone at the top offered to take a picture of me and the three guys that had summited around the same time, and I was able to say, "I came up on my own." And maybe that's it. Maybe that's what mountain climbing does for me. It gives me the reminder that I can come up on my own. Even if I do go with friends on subsequent climbs, if I have support, it's up to me to get there.

And so it is. It's up to me to get there, and wherever I am, I've gotten myself here. Let those places be heights and accomplishments I can be proud of. I am proud of how I've done as a single mother. I am proud of the kind of teacher I am becoming. I am proud of the genuine connections I make with people, and especially with my children. I've gotten myself to this place, and it's not a bad place at all. Maybe I've just broken through treeline, leaving the slog of the approach and the elusive path (sometimes buried in snow) behind, and the rest of the ascent is the really clean, clear air kind, with the breathtaking views and the people that check up on each other along the way. I'd like to think so.